Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
