Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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