So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
