the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How external is "for external use only"?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
