Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
