Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
