You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
