If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
