So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
