Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
