and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were destined to go to rehab together
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
