there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize