Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
