Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
