Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
