I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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