It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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