call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize