youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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