the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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