News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
