I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
