im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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