someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
