my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
