I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
