i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
