Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
