We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
