I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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