Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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