i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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