I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize