I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
