Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
