Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
