he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize