His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
