I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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