dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
