and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
