Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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