I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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