I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
