So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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