I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
