Non-Jews are for practice
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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