I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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