if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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