Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
tell me about the eggs
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
