I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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