I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
