i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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