Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
