Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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