we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
