Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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