I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
