Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
