Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
