I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
