apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
