he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize