if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
