you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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