Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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