The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I believe in your delicious
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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