This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
