how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We need to get me chipped asap
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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