My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
