whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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