would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
