what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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