We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
