Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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