I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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