just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
