Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
