is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
