Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
