my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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