I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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