Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
