Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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