brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Let's paint friendship bongs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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