Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize