Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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