also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
