Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
