Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
