It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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