Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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