hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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