I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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