She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
