Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
