oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Everclear isn't food dammit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
