you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
