so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
