Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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