i think my tv is drunk
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize