Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
