I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize