a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
