I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
