Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
