I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize