I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
