I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize