I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my being single is dangerous.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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